Part 17 The James' Question - Revised

We ended up back on the freeway in good time and the rest of our drive west was unhindered by traffic snarls or herds. Maggie and I switched places at the on ramp, after doing a quick bathroom break. She said she needed to think and didn't want to be bothered with driving. She promised to take over if I got tired or in three hours which ever came first. I was more worried about Frank and if he'd be able to handle driving continuously, but realized that if they trusted James to drive around the farm he should be alright on the freeway. Had this not been a zombie infested world and a huge percentage of the (driving) population wiped out, it would've been a definite no. Besides we all agreed that there was no huge rush to get to where we were going.

The freeway was relatively straight for long stretches that we could see ahead far enough to let us know of any impending obstacles. We could make Mt. Vernon before night fall at this rate. From there we were to turn south, avoiding St. Louis altogether. One would imagine freeways leading out from that or any large city would be really messed up and/or complicated by herds of those things that made our lives miserable. We did spot an occasional loner out there, shambling along the shoulder. From all appearances it didn't even bother to notice us as we zipped along by it. I could imagine James hopping about in his seat, excited for a moment's worth of target practice. But neither of our trucks slowed down. I kind of felt a little bad at thinking the worse of the kid. I needed to get rid of the resentment I was feeling for his not warming up to me like I hoped he would. When I thought more about it, I realized that if it were me, I'd be giving the cold shoulder treatment to any guy “moving in” on my mom.
This world suddenly turned unfair for all of us. Families and lives were shredded apart. So much death and so much loss. Many of us survivors thought we lived in a dangerous time before it all happened. Terrorists, unfriendly nations trying to build up their various nuclear programs, the occasional idiot that shot up a school or store that could've easily been in your own home town as soon as the next. All of those paled by comparison to the real world threat of these dead people walking around and ready to eat the rest of us alive. Here I was worried about getting a soon to be teenager to like me enough so I could “date” his mom. The thought of James only brought a momentary smile to my lips before they fell straight again. But Maggie caught it.

“What?” her voice suddenly bright with curiosity.

I had to think a moment, not sure if she was ready for the subject of her trigger happy son. Well, that's not fair at least not by true definition. But either way I had to think of a joke and quick and pass it off as a memory of something my friend told me. “What do you call a door-to-door salesman who is a zombie?” She just grinned and shook her head. “A dead-ringer.” Maggie groaned aloud and gave me a playful slap on the arm. Next thing I knew she was cuddled up next to me again. “Where'd you hear that silly joke?” she asked just loud enough to be heard over the road noise. “An old friend told that to me a long time ago.” I said. I felt her head nod against my shoulder. She remained silent for a while. Then, she asked.

“Are you thinking about nothing?”
Puzzled for a moment, I didn't answer. Then finally when she didn't respond further I had to ask.
“Am I thinking about nothing? That's what you asked?” She nodded again without saying anything. I tried working that out. Thinking about “nothing.” Then it hit me. “I was thinking about James” I blurted out before I could stop myself. I had to squeeze the steering wheel tightly for a second to prevent myself from smacking my forehead with my palm. Hell, I still wanted to do it. I guess it was still bothering me down inside enough that I had to get it out.

I felt Maggie stiffen a bit against me, but she relaxed and nodded. “Yes, me too” she stated simply. She sat straight up this time but didn't move away from me. I started to brace myself but I found that I was over-estimating her. “You're right, a boy his age shouldn't be enjoying killing. Even if the things he is killing are already dead. And, I'm not about to get into that philosophical argument about how can you kill what's already dead crap.” I breathed a sigh of relief, which she mistook for something else. “I'm sure you've heard or been involved with that one before huh?” I nodded honestly, “more than once I can assure you. Around too many a campfire.”

She continued, “I've heard it only once and that was back on base when all of this started and even for soldiers it was a question of morality.” She shook her head off the memory and redirected her topic back to her son. “Now as for James, I'm not having a problem with him killing these things walking around. But yeah, like you I'm finding it disturbing that he's actually enjoying it. Like it was some giant holographic 3-D video game. He's seen enough death from the living to know that it's not a game and that thinking it was would only get him killed and permanently. Not resurrecting your character by pressing alt. R. But still I saw it in his eyes up close when he shot that zombie behind me.” I interrupted “and a helluva shot that was.” She wasn't bothered by the break, and nodded even more enthusiastically replying, “Oh yeah, his dad would've been proud of that one.”

At that I wanted to ask about James' father but hushed. It was her time to talk so zip it, besides, a wise friend said to me, a long time ago, 'you can't learn anything by talking.' Maggie continued. “But I don't think his father. would've liked the look in his eyes either when he did it. It... it wasn't scary, but I've only seen it once or twice. Brian, told me, that's James' father, he told me about seeing that look a few times himself. Those were guys you kept the rest of the squad/team watching out for. Those are the ones that usually get themselves and a few others killed. You remember Dad mentioning the same thing” I nodded.

She continued, “I've seen it on my own tour of duties “I remember one guy in Iran... oops I mean Iraq... aww screw it. National Security isn't so secure anymore, just don't ask what my team was doing in Iran okay? Anyway, this guy in our outfit wasn't always like that, but he grew into it. Eventually he got his team-mate wounded and his own head blown off. That's what I'm worried about with James. That he'll grow into it. There's no way I'd let his talent for firearms to develop if I had any idea that it could happen.” She finished for the moment.

I took a second or two in thought before replying. “But be glad that you did , because it's saved our asses a few times already, and I'm sure it's saved your ass more, long before we met.” She looked at me for the first time in miles and nodded. “Yes, I am very grateful for that.” I took my eyes off the road long enough to see her face and her eyes nearly pulled me in. They were deep, so full of meaning. I tore my eyes away, ahem, as casually as I could and focused back on the road.

Maggie reached for one of the canteens sitting in a pouch that was sewn into the seat cover and opened it, took a small sip and offered me some. I shook my head and she put it away again. “I'd like to tell you a little story about James if you wanna hear it.” I gave a small grunt and a nod.

“He told me about how he survived the first few days of this, outbreak. He was at a hospital with a chaperon slash interpreter for his annual hearing test when it happened. He and the woman he was with managed to get out of the hospital alright but he had a hard time with her. She wanted to go directly back to the school, but he said that he recognized the dangers of that. People were attacking each other out on the streets and not all of them were zombies. He managed to grab a gun off a dead cop and shot two zombies before the woman stopped trying to get the gun away from him. Unfortunately because he didn't hear her screaming he wasn't able to stop her from being attacked from behind. He told me that he watched this woman get torn apart before his eyes. He shot the ones attacking her and then shot her as well. He said that he didn't know or understand why, only that she was screaming, suffering and he just did it.

He managed to run and get away. It took him a week to get back home, walking. Most of that was hiding and running. He told me a lot about what he had seen.” her voice broke “dammit, he's too young to see that kind of horror in real life, much less live it.” She had to catch her breath and get a hold of herself before she could go on.

“I'm just grateful that the three of us trained him in all kinds of things. I honestly didn't know why at the time we were doing it but we felt it was important that we did. I do wish that we were able to give him more of a normal childhood like the rest of his friends, but...” she hitched in a breath, “but now I realize that if we did, he... he'd probably be dead and wouldn't have made it home by himself. He's so small, so young.” Her voice faded and I waited for her to start bawling. She didn't. Tough lady I thought to myself. Very tough indeed.

Maggie leaned her head back against my shoulder. We rode in silence for an indeterminable stretch, when Frank's voice came on the radio. “You guys awake up there?” his voice was slightly teasing and had none of the straightforward command that was present during our little skirmish with the bus zombies. Neither of us made a move to grab the radio mike off the hook. “Wanna make him sweat a little?” I teased. She slapped my thigh lightly and sat back up straight again. She got the mike off the hook and turned in her seat to look out the back window. “We're alright Dad, how are you and James doing?”

Frank's voice came back with the same light tone. “James is doing alright, kinda bored, but this old man is going to need to make a pit-stop. If we see a camper or an off-ramp with a gas station ...” he let his voice trail off. Maggie shook her head and turned around in her seat to smile at me. “Alright Dad, we'll keep an eye out for you up ahead. One camper or gas-station coming up.” She put the mike back on the hook and looked at me, “getting old is going to suck.” I gave her a small smirk and thought to myself. “If we live that long.”

How long do any of us have to live in this world of ours now? How many of us that have survived can continue. More importantly is it worth it? I honestly don't think that man was supposed to go extinct. But my time on the road by myself, walking all those miles have afforded me time to think and I've been fortunate to meet some rather intelligent people along the way. I've always been a nature nut. I mean it should've been obvious. I worked at a cave exhibit and I've explored caves for years prior to working there. Some of my co-workers have joked with me about my being a “tree-hugger”, and maybe that's true, but to a certain extent.

Man is going to progress and man is going to do what he does best. Expand outwards and consume the resources that are available. I didn't say it was a good thing but it has happened. Question is what about now? By my estimates 90% of the population is gone, turned into those things. About half of the remaining population got killed to where they wouldn't come back as those things. The remaining 5% are like what we are now. Surviving and dying. Nature selecting only the strongest to continue on. It was a major act of “culling the herd” in retrospect. Though I never said it out loud I thought it was about damned time it happened.

Mankind had gotten too large, too populous and the resources were being consumed at a rate that renewal would've been impossible in another fifty years. More animals and plants became extinct in the last hundred years than at any time in our history. I guess now it's our turn to be on the endangered list. Maybe that's a good thing.

What I learned about nature and how it works is that nature strives continually to maintain a balance in the ecosystem. Man has defeated nature in many ways, many times. Yet, with this cut back in the population world wide, and I've no reason to think that our country was the only ones affected by this plague, nature has the opportunity and the breathing room to restore the balance.

Where the world's oceans have been nearly depleted in fish and other wild-life, they will bounce back pretty strong. No more commercial fishing and whaling for a long time. The pollutants that we've poured into the waters will eventually thin out and fade. There will be some long lasting effects of course but I tend to have faith in nature that, as one mathematician once observed: “Life will find a way.”

I didn't realize that I muttered that last line out loud and Maggie looked at me until I noticed. She had a sort of half grin and one eyebrow cocked upwards, those blue eyes looking into me. I could feel myself blushing and tried to ignore it. “I, uh, was thinking about how everything has and is going to be changing.” She sat quiet and nodded, I continued. “Just that this plague is nature's way of restoring the balance to the planet's ecosystems. All our wars, our ever expanding cities, encroachment upon habitats, deforestation, consumption of resources. We've just experienced payback in a big way. But nature is merciful in that we didn't get completely wiped out. Nor did we destroyed everything before she had a chance to put things back in order.”

Maggie remained silent, but her nods were encouraging me to go on. “In the next few months and in the years ahead, we're going to see a huge change in the animal population. I think that a lot of animals that were on the verge of extinction,”

“Like we are now?” she interrupted almost playfully.

“Umm no, that's different. I'll explain that in a moment. But a lot of animals were on the verge of extinction because of the way we were living. Those animals now have the wherewithal to recover, naturally and on their own terms. No pitiful captive breeding programs, which only delays the inevitable if this plague of ours hadn't happened. No re-release or re-introductions back into the wilds when there's barely enough room for the animals already living there, now having to compete even harder for the resources that they're struggling to survive on.

“If we were going to ever attempt to let nature recover then we would have to totally leave it alone and let nature reclaim what was hers to begin with. It wouldn't have happened if this plague hadn't come along and wiped out most of the people. People that would've kept the roads maintained, buildings up to code and building more suburbs which would eventually turn into major cities. All of our best efforts to preserve what nature has left would've been useless in the long run. Mankind is just too damned greedy for our own good.

“But now, because there are so few of us left, by comparison, I think that nature will begin to recover just enough to establish a better toe-hold. The big problem is that our zoos will radically change everything as far as ecological boundaries and balances. The America's aren't known for having elephants and giraffes or other African animals. We aren't known for having the various European and Asian animals over here either, same with the other continents. A lot of animals in the zoos will die of course but I'm willing to bet that quite a few have escaped already and are learning to adapt. I don't think nature will allow certain animals to survive because of specific climatic conditions need to be met for that particular animals' health and behavioral patterns. But I do think that the strongest will adapt and survive. So James is going to grow up in a world where there are American Tigers in the forests. If he goes down to Arizona or New Mexico and parts of the southwest he'll probably find surviving herds of giraffes, elephants and gazelles.”

I looked at Maggie again and saw that she was openly smiling. “Ok, what?” trying to keep my voice neutral. I felt uncomfortable because I was ranting on. But it felt right to me and while I'm usually silent most of the time, I can get going if I feel strongly about a subject and am given the time to speak my peace.

She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek. “You're so cute.” She kissed me again “And you're so smart too. I'm glad I met you” she then rested her head back on my shoulder and wrapped her arm around mine, holding it tightly. I was sure she could feel the heat of my blush from where she was sitting. I turned my attention and thoughts back to the road and tried not to let myself swell up in the presence of this beautiful woman.