Part 15 A Momentary Pause - Revised

I felt a hand on my neck and opened my eyes with a start and saw that it was Maggie reaching for something behind my ear. “You got pieces of glass stuck in your neck” she said quietly, after drawing her hand back quickly. “Sorry,” she muttered, “should've told you first” she put her hand back in her lap. I rested mine on top of hers and patted it then leaned forward to let her have easier access. “No, go ahead, how bad is it?” I replied softly.

I felt her picking at something on my neck, “not too bad, a few tiny pieces of safety glass but no major cuts.” I winced when she plucked a piece out and showed it to me then tossed it out the back window which was still open. “How bad is he?” a voice asked to my left. I turned my head a little and saw that Frank had gotten out of his truck and was now standing by my door, a large bore rifle was slung on his shoulder. I pondered where James was and asked.

“He's up the road a little ways, watching for any signs of pursuit. He's not happy with the discipline I gave him, but he'll be alright” he answered.

I nodded affirmation but didn't say anything at the word “discipline”. I tried not to wince as Maggie plucked another piece of glass out of the back of my neck. Apparently the Colonel didn't want his question un-answered. “How bad is he?” he repeated simply enough. I could almost feel Maggie standing at attention mentally as she continued to work. “He's got a few cuts, but they're not deep. An antiseptic and maybe a bandage or two and he'll be alright, sir.” Her voice, cold and professional. It kind of chilled me a bit, but then again I wasn't used to a military way of life like these two were. I felt Frank's hand pat my opposite shoulder through the window. “You'll be alright son, you done good back there.” From the corner of my eye I saw him leave and go towards the rear of our truck. I kept watching him in the side mirror and saw him pause by the rear bumper, shake his head and bend down.

He came back up and held a gristly trophy in his hand. A child's hand with a bit of wrist attached to it. He tossed it hard into the woods to our right. He wiped his hands on his clothes and continued walking from the truck. In a moment I saw James holding a rifle at rest walk into the frame of the mirror. Frank signed something to him and James nodded and pointed from where we came.

His face was passive and he held his rifle casually in the crook of his elbow, his other hand holding the stock but away from the trigger guard. Frank nodded and signed something else, to which gotten a yes nod from James. Maggie plucked yet another piece, causing me to yip “ow. I thought you said it wasn't bad.” She shook her head. “It's not but you don't want glass in your neck all day do you?” She reached for another piece, “now hold still, this is the last one.” I felt her fingers pinch and grab at something and damn it really hurt this time. I gasped as I felt it pull out. She held her hand out to me, “look, you big baby!” her voice was teasing. I saw and it was a piece probably the size of fly, a small fly. Blood on the glass and on her fingers. “You're really lucky, I've seen worse.” she said as she tossed that piece out the back window. I heard it land on the tarp with a tap.

She pushed me on the shoulder to get out the door. “C'mon, the first aid kit is behind your seat and I can't get at it with you sitting there. We'll get you cleaned up and ready to go in two minutes.” I got out and rested myself against the bed of the truck, in a moment Maggie came out with a good sized bag that had a large white circle and red cross on it. Definitely not your average household first-aid kit. She walked around me and hopped up on the stuff piled in the back and settled herself. Motioning me over with her finger with a seductive wink, she started opening the bag and rummaging through the contents. She pulled out a bottle of clear liquid that I guessed to be alcohol, and a ziploc baggie full of cotton balls. Okay, a military first aid bag with some regular household items inside. Must've added those in at one point, because she did pull out an olive green packet that I caught saying “gauze dressing”. I hoped that she wouldn't go all out with taking care of a few cuts and scrapes.

I decided to take advantage of the moment to talk about James. Maggie pulled me closer to the bed of the truck and then grabbed my head gently and bent it down so she could work on my neck. I found it kind of awkward and then just folded my arms on the edge and rested my head on them. “Uh, there's something I think you should know.” I began awkwardly trying to find a way to raise the subject. “You're a wuss about pain?” she teased with a giggle. I didn't respond for a moment and guessed she lost the smile on her face, “what is it?”

“I want to talk to you about James.” I began as she started working on the cuts on my neck, dabbing them with alcohol soaked cotton balls, making me wince everytime she touched a wound. “I, uh, noticed something that has been bothering me since our escape from the platform in the woods.” She didn't respond and kept working and let me continue. “it's happened twice and the last time was just about 10 minutes ago with those dead kids back there.” I gasped as she wiped at a particularly sensitive spot on my neck.

“He gets this look on his face when he's shooting zombies, kinda like he's really, really enjoying himself. Now I don't , ow, know if that's okay with you or what but, ow, it doesn't seem right to be enjoying killing... even if ... ow, dang it, even if what you're shooting at is already dead.” Maggie paused and stroked my hair. I expected a reply from her but Frank spoke up behind me. Even after all these years the man's combat stealth training taught him to walk silently.

“I saw that too, when he was hanging out the window of the truck as we were pulling away from the herd on the freeway. He had that madman look that I've seen on too many faces in combat. Men that were not just there to do a job but taking the opportunity to really enjoy it. It's the kind of thing that eventually gets them killed.”

I lifted my head up and saw Maggie's face. It was clouded, there was a look of sadness and even determination in her eyes. She wasn't looking at me, or at Frank, but somewhere off in the distance behind me. She then lowered her gaze and looked at me. Her blue eyes piercing me before they closed with a deep sigh. She then opened her eyes again and looked in mine own. “Thank you, for bringing that up.” She shook her head. “When I was training him how to shoot, he always smiled and I thought it was because he was just enjoying shooting, like any boy his age. And maybe it was.” she turned to look at her son who still stood guard some fifty yards away watching down the road from where we came. “You're right, nobody should be enjoying killing anything. You do it out of defense, or food or because it's war and you have to take care of the enemy. But you should never enjoy it. Even the best drill instructor will do their best to make sure nobody is going to be enjoying killing. There's no honor in it, not at all. But it has to be done sometimes.” I turned my head and saw Frank nodding and was grateful for it. At least these people had what I felt were the right priorities and ethics.

Frank lifted his head and spoke to both of us. “I think we all should talk to him.” He caught my look of surprise, “no, you're involved in this too and you saw it first before either of us. If he's going to have any respect for you he needs to hear what you think.” His face was one of firm determination.

“Well,” I said before lowering my head back down so Maggie could finish, “question is, when would be a good time to talk about it.” Frank patted my back, “probably tonight when we stop to rest for the day.” Then I heard his boots on the pavement as he walked away, going back to his truck. Maggie resumed her administering first aid on my cuts for another few moments then I felt her kiss the back of my head. “All done” she said. I lifted my head and saw that she was putting things back into the bag. “So no bandages?” I asked. She stopped and grinned at me, “I got a couple of Spongebob Squarepants band-aids in here if you want 'em” she teased. I made a funny face, “oh could I pleeze?” She laughed and slapped my shoulder affectionately.

“You, silly” she replied and signed at the same time, and moved the bag from her lap and leaned forward hard and rested her arms on my shoulders, her weight forcing me backwards, having to reach up to catch her as she let herself be pulled out of the bed of the truck. I kept moving back until the toes of her boots caught on the edge of the bed sides and held her there. She squealed aloud and hung on my shoulders tighter. “Don't you dare John!” she cried out laughing. I gave her a smooch, “You're the one that got yourself into this, get out of it.” She accepted the challenge and smoothly moved one boot out of the bed and placed it on the side, hooking the heel on the edge, then did the same with the other. A second later she let herself drop and caught herself with the toes of her boots and tiptoed up until she was pressed against me, her arms around my neck tightly and kissed me back.

Suddenly I felt self-conscious and peeked out of the corner of my eye. Yep, James was watching us from afar. I had a sudden image of him raising his rifle, taking quick aim and blowing my head off while still kissing his mom. The image vanished as soon as Maggie felt my discomfort and broke the kiss. Her arms were still around my neck and she looked up at me. “What?” she began before seeing where I was looking and turned her head to see James turning back around to look down the road again. She turned to look at me again. “He'll get used to it,” she said, “I know I have.”

I looked at her and smiled a little. “I think I'm learning to” and kissed her again. Frank's voice broke us up. “If you two don't mind, I think there are better situations to consider than trying to eat one's face off...” he blushed as we both stared at him. He caught it finally and winced, “Oh geez that was bad wasn't it?” he chuckled to himself. “My bad I guess, as you young ones like to say.” He stepped up to us and we stood apart. I wanted to hold her hand. I noticed that he was holding the map we referred to earlier in his hand and was holding a pair of high powered binoculars in the other.

“From what I can see,” he waved the map carelessly. “The direction that we came from is still the best way to head south. It's either go back up another 10 miles to the freeway exit and then double back again or continue on.”

He looked at us both, clearly wanting our opinion before deciding on our course of action. I turned around and saw that James was watching us again, on impulse I raised my arm and waved at him to come to us. The boy hesitated for a moment then came our way at a light trot. I turned and saw Maggie smiling at me as if she approved my bringing her boy into the confab. I shrugged, “like your dad said, need him to respect me. If I invite him into this discussion it'll show that I see him as an equal, sort of.” Frank nodded approvingly. “That's smart thinking, here he is.” I noticed that he quickly reverted to sign and speaking when James came up and stood by his mother. His rifle held loosely in one hand.

Frank tucked the map under the arm that was holding the binoculars so that he could at least sign freely with one hand. “We, trying, decide, which way, we go. That way or around long way” he finished. I felt my head involuntarily jerk at the odd structure of his sentences and looked at Maggie with puzzlement. She whispered, “it's called ASL, James' natural language and easiest for him to understand.” I nodded without really understanding. Frank continued, speaking to all of us. “We go back, clean up any left, push on through, but, not know what's beyond the bus, if there's more or if it's messed up.

“We got gas go forward, but not enough to do it if we go around. That's options as far as I see them.” he finished and left it open. James spoke first, well kind of, Maggie translated. “He says we go on back way we came and clean up.” I caught a look from her but saw that he wasn't smiling. I took a moment thinking, and nodded my head to James, I agree, because we'd save fuel that way.” Maggie translated quickly and James remained expressionless. Not even acknowledging that I was agreeing with him. I wanted to scream.

Maggie spoke up, “those kids...” she trailed off for a moment then caught herself, “I think we got them all, but it's what beyond that bus is what's worrying me.” Frank nodded and remained quiet, then looked through his glasses. I don't think it was to scout ahead, but to hide his eyes as he tried to find the best answer. He lowered his glasses and looked at all of us. “Part of me wants to avoid that bus again, but another remembers that herd back on the freeway we left behind.” He shook his head. “I think that APR might've done the trick. So if there are any still kicking they'll be in bad shape, we can mop up if they get in the way.” He shrugged, “problem is that we don't know if there's a traffic jam behind the bus or what.” He looked at me. “John you get a glimpse of anything that would be a problem once we go around, the bus I mean.”

I tried to remember prior to those harrowing events. “I think there were a couple of cars but honestly I didn't get that good of a look, because those geeks caught my attention more. If there are any other cars I think the truck can push 'em out of the way if they're not too badly wrecked.” I wasn't sounding so sure, but the way Maggie was signing my words made it look like I was. Her movements were brisk and firm. I was learning that body language speaks volumes to the deaf. Unconsciously, I straightened my frame up and tried to look decisive.

Frank, nodded, “alright then” he began. “We'll switch to small arms, but nobody gets out of their vehicle, unless they have to move a car or an obstruction. The rest of us will provide covering fire if need be.” He gave James a stern look, “if anyone gets out of the vehicle to move stuff around, it'll be John and only John.” He looked at me, “that alright with you?”

To be honest I didn't like it but realized that he was right. Maggie could drive our truck around obstructions that I might need to move out of the way, Frank was old and needed to drive his own truck, James simply wasn't big enough but was arguably the best shot of all of us and would provide excellent cover, I hoped.

“Yeah, that's alright with me, I don't think we'll need to move much just to get by.” Again I didn't sound so sure but had enough conviction in my voice to convince Frank that I was willing to take the task. “Ok then,” he said. “Lets mount up and get moving.” Without another word he turned on his heel smartly and walked back to his truck. James gave his mother and I a nod and signed something before quickly joining his grandfather. I looked to Maggie who answered, “he said he'll look after Dad.” and she smiled. “C'mon soldier, lets get going.” I bit down on my retort and took a step before the pain in my knee hit. “Ow, dammit!” Maggie spun around, “what?” her voice concerned.

I bent at the waist and rubbed at my kneecap. “I hit my knee back there getting into the truck, as that rocket went off, now it's starting to hurt, but it's not bad” I finished hurriedly at her look. I stood up and flexed my leg. Behind me Frank was already backing the truck to turn around. I took a hesitant step forward and saw that I wasn't going to limp and walked normally. Maggie opened the driver's side door and got in. “Well, you ride shotgun for a bit until we stop again. Anyway you'll need to get out and move cars around remember?” Then shut the door and rolled down the window. I moved quickly around the front of the truck, feeling some pins and needles in my knee but not so bad that I couldn't handle it. Opened the passenger door and got in. Maggie started the truck and in a moment we were headed on back down the road.